A Tribute to My Mother, Mary Elizabeth Morris Hershey

   Just a few days ago on Thursday, November 20^th, we said goodbye to our Mom for now.  She joins Dad in heaven. She has missed him terribly since he died in 1998.  Now, it is our time to miss her and we will. It hurts so much I can’t describe it.  As Peter Marshall, the Presbyterian Minister so eloquently put it, “Nothing that has been said, nothing that could be said or that ever will be said would be eloquent enough, expansive enough, or adequate to make articulate that particular emotion we feel to our Mothers.”   Words can’t describe the love that we feel for our Mother.  I often told her that she may not be perfect, but she was the perfect Mother for me.
   Mom taught me about Peter Marshall and other great ministers and authors. She gave me several of his books. It seems like she was always giving us something. Mom loved to give. Giving is a great word to describe Mom.  When you visited Mom you rarely left empty-handed. She was always trying to give you something. And, when she wasn’t giving you a gift, she was giving you plenty of love and encouragement.
  My Mom taught us about love, devotion and loyalty at a very early age.  I remember riding home from church one day in Sumter, South Carolina with Mom and asking her about love. I wasn’t even 6 years old at the time. We had heard a story that day in Bible school about giving our lives for someone we loved. I think it may have been the story of Jesus giving his life for us because He loves us so much. I remember asking Mom what she would do if she could only save one of us.  Without hesitation, Mom said she would save me.
   I sat quietly in the car and my eyes filled with tears. I knew that she meant she would sacrifice herself so that I would be able to live. I couldn’t imagine life without Mom and I still can’t today.  She loved me and all of her children unconditionally. She loved our Father the same way.  She followed him wherever he went and made a loving home for us.
   Love is a word used to describe Mom. She always loved our Father with amazing passion. She loved her children and friends the same way.  One of her favorite Biblical passages is I Corinthians 13:1-13.  I believe she exemplified this passage of love in the Bible through her life and family.
   When I think of love, I will always be reminded of my Mother.  It was fun watching Mom and Dad grow old together.  They loved each other so openly. It has inspired others who witnessed their love to do the same. Their love didn’t fade with age; it grew and improved.
   Mom shared with us the power of saying “thank you.”  She had her own special way of thinking you for everything you did for her.  She always showed her gratitude.  When I see one of her grandchildren, thanking someone with passion, I have to believe she received this gift of gratitude from her amazing grandmother, Mary. Mom may have been the world’s most outstanding note writer.  No matter how small the gift you gave her, she would write you a ‘thank you” note. I have written many thank you notes in my life and I don’t believe I will ever write one without remembering our Mother.  I will thank her in my heart and mind for sharing this gift with all of us…the gift of gratitude.  Thank you, Mom, for saying thank you in your loving, special way.
   One of the characteristics and gifts of our Mother was her incredibly strong sense of right and wrong.  I remember an occasion where I had done something wrong in my teenage years and Dad was giving me some much needed discipline. I could see her watching and I was ashamed that I had done something wrong and she knew about it.  You know you have a “good” Mother when you wish you were invisible when you did wrong.  It is a good thing when you don’t want your Mother to think worse of you.  She helped us understand the Lord is always watching us.
   On this occasion, Mom didn’t remain silent.  When Dad stopped for my reaction, she gently, but firmly added, “Son, don’t you understand that what you did is just wrong?”  She followed with, “You need to do what is right because it is the right thing to do.”  She had a simple, yet direct way of helping you see what was really important.  You should do the right thing simply because it IS the right thing to do.
   Mom was really wise. I remember the time I didn’t make my grades in Graduate school. The truth is I had not really focused on school like I should have. But, knowing I needed to focus and work hard weren’t the only life-changing lessons I learned that day. I was upset when Mom came in the room. She asked me what was wrong and I emotionally explained what happened.  I told her I was so sorry for letting her and Dad down and disappointing them.  Mom’s reaction caught me by surprise.
   Mom shared with me that I had never let her down or disappointed her or Dad.  They were always proud of me, but more importantly she gently added, that I was missing the real point.  She told me that I didn’t need to do well for them or to avoid disappointing them; I needed to do well for my own approval.  She said there would be a day where she and Dad would no longer be here. I needed to do things according to what made me feel good about myself.  I hugged her and asked her if she would mind letting me be alone for a few moments.  Overcome with shame, I quietly wept that day, but I also left that room feeling a whole lot more like a man.  Part of my sadness that day was facing the reality that my Mom would not always be here in this world.
   Working hard is another thing Mom always did. It didn’t matter what needed to be done, she would do it.  I remember her climbing ladders to clean dust from the corners and above the doors.  She kept our house organized and cooked 3 meals a day almost every day.  No matter how early you had to be up, Mom had breakfast ready for you before you left.  Often times, she held jobs and still worked hard when she came home.  I never remember hearing her complain about anything.
   She was the quiet lady and wife in the background when it came to our Father, but she was the glue that held our family together.  Her loyalty to our Dad amazed me.  We moved so many times I think the moving companies knew us all by first names.  We always seemed to be at home wherever we lived.  Mom would have followed Dad anywhere and she practically did. Somehow she made it better for their 4 children too.  We may not have liked moving, but we were blessed by our parents in the way that they handled it.
   Dad may have been the one in the spotlight, but Mom provided energy and inspiration.  She was always there and she always believed in him and in all of us. Several years ago Mom sent me a great book, called “I Dare You”.  I have used it to help others and plan to do so for many years to come. As I was looking through the old book, I found the speech Mom gave at her high school graduation.  Many of us had no idea she gave the speech at her high school graduation. I called Mom and asked her about her speech and in her humble, unassuming way, she explained that her high school teachers chose her to give her class speech.
   Mom always seemed content being the woman behind the man, but she had great intelligence and wit.  If she had chosen a different path, she could have easily been a great leader.
   Mom grew up in Winter Haven, Florida the youngest of 4.  She had 3 older brothers who made sure their little sister Mary or Brat Mary as they loved to teasingly call her was loved and taken care of.  While they were hard on her, they loved and adored her. She became an excellent swimmer. She skied in the show at Cyprus Gardens. Mom loved to compete and had no interest in losing.  We all share in her competitive nature.We received a double dose of being competitive from her and Dad. 
   Her Father and Mother, Scot and Blanche Morris, a devout Presbyterian couple raised 4 children through the depression.  One son was a honored pilot. Another became a noted US economist. A third son ran the local Fire Department. Mom helped our Father be a Leader in the community and made our house a home.  She was the heart of our family for many years.
   To me, many of the greatest heroes of our lives are the Wives and Mothers who hold families together and help others chase their dreams.   These are women who have great talent and possibilities, but they sacrifice their own self-interests for others and they doing so with love in their hearts. As Peter Marshall said, “They are the Keepers of the Springs. This world needs Mothers that are bringing their children to the love and knowledge of God.  This world needs women who are willing to be simple.  It needs some who will be brave.  It needs more who are pure.  We need women, and men too, who would rather be morally right than socially correct.  The school is making no attempt to teach the principles of Christ.  The Church alone cannot do it.  They can never be taught to a child unless the Mother herself knows them and practices them every day.  For men have recognized that womanhood is a sacred and noble thing, that women are of finer clay…”  This describes our Mother, Mary.
   Our childhood years were great memories for me.  Sure we had our share of trials and troubles, but mostly I remember my family, friends and being loved.  I can still see Mom working in the kitchen.  I can still smell one of the many wonderful things she would cook for us.  Later when one of my older siblings needed her, Mom was on her way to be with them. Mom attended every event that we participated in.  It didn’t matter whether it was football, wrestling, band, piano or an academic function. She was always there and if possible, Dad was there too.  When you got hurt, Mom made you feel better. It was nice that she didn’t baby you if you were hurt, but you felt loved and nurtured.
   I have mentioned a lot of words to describe Mom and the truth is that no word or words can adequately describe her as our Mother.  A word I need to use is friend.  Mom was a private person, but when someone needed help, she was reaching out to help them.  She was a great friend to Dad, to Rickey, to Susan, to Anne and to me.  She also was someone who others knew would be there when they needed help.  A friend is someone you can count on no matter what.  Mom is a true friend, not only the kind of friend you want to have, but the friend you want to be to others.  Thank you, Mom, for being our friend.  A part of me left this world with you when you passed on.  I will never stop missing you and your love and friendship.
   When Dad died back in 1998, Mom was very strong.  She grieved privately.  I can only imagine how bad it hurt her to lose the partner she had since she was a teenager.  They were married over 50 years.  Publicly and privately, Mom stood strong.  They were the best of friends and their times together were the best of times.  Mom was so loyal to Dad and all of us that we can never thank her enough.  Her love, grace and faith in the Lord.  Her faith in others and quiet humility.  Her strong sense of right and wrong.  She was steadfast under pressure.  Mom made a difference in this world.  Because of her, I still believe in Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, elves and leprechauns.  I am most grateful that she was and is and always will be my Mom, my friend and my role model.  I hope you receive these words today in heaven.  I’m thankful you and Dad are reunited again. Thank you Mom for being the best Mom a son or daughter can ever imagine.  Thank you for the gift of life and for the many sacrifices you have made and make for us.  I hope when I am looking back at my life that I can share with others the joy you brought us.

Your Vision or His?

    Working in a position of leadership over the years, I have spent a great deal of time asking people questions like, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or “If you could write the ideal job description for yourself, what would it be?”. One of my goals has been to help people think more about who they want to become and to have a vision for themselves. My view is that leaders are called to serve and our objective needs to be centered on helping people get what they “need”.  
   There was a time earlier in my life when I would have said that, “Our objective is to help people get what they “want.” I learned through the years that what people want is often not what they really need. It is a tough role to play as a leader to help people identify what they need instead of what they want, but it IS a very critical part of being willing to lead and serve. One example I have frequently seen is people may want an immediate raise in pay even when the value they are providing is not in line with the compensation they seek. When someone is overpaid, that person is ultimately at risk because the relationship will not be profitable for very long. We do need to work together to help the person increase results and ultimately earn more, but just giving someone a raise that they want may not be the best answer. This is just one example, but there are many situations where we need to help each other identify how to focus on needs as opposed to wants. When our needs and wants are in alignment, we usually achieve more and enjoy ourselves so much more.
   Today, my focus has become even more important to me than financial goals. There was a time in my life when my financial goals ruled me. While I am still highly motivated by financial objectives, I am thankful that I have found more balance in my focus. It is ironic that in some ways you could argue that I “need” money even more now than I once did, but I have come to see the truth that I cannot let money rule my life. I have found that a more important focus is our spiritual needs. The question I hope to share some insight is, “How do we line ourselves up with the plan God has for each of us in our spiritual journey?”  How do we align our lives with the plan the Lord has for us?
   For some people, we first need to believe that God has a plan for us. I believe He does. There are so many examples in the Bible of how God used what some people might consider insignificant people to show us His work. He used blind men, tax collectors, lepers and prostitutes to mention a few. I believe if you choose to read the Bible, you will come to your own conclusion that God saw all people as significant. You are significant to God! And, other than Jesus, all of the people in the Bible had flaws just as we do. An interesting observation is that everyone suffered at some point in the Bible, but you could say that Jesus may have suffered the most during His crucifixion. So, God allowed everyone to experience difficulty in life, even His own Son. One of the hardest realities for me to process is that Jesus chose to suffer to Honor God and to save you and me….from ourselves.
   I wish I had a formula to share with you today about finding God’s vision for you, but I have not found an answer to walking in faith on your spiritual journey that is a formula. To me, the good news is that if we seek God, we will find the right answers for ourselves. Perhaps the greatest challenge is that looking for answers by choosing to walk with the Lord is not a “fast food” solution. The journey takes time and it happens in God’s time, not ours. I know that to be an undeniable truth because the Lord promises us if we seek Him, He will answer us. I have seen a God that always keeps His promises. We often lack the patience to stay the course with Him. I know it is a struggle for me. I want answers and of course, I want them now!
   So many of our struggles with Him seem to be that we ask Him for what we WANT and he gives us what we NEED. I find that often what I get does not seem to me like what I NEED! 
   It is even more difficult to accept pain and suffering in our lives when our prayers so many times don’t bring the healing we seek.  Why is it that some peoples’ lives seem to go just as they hope for and others have so many hardships? Those are some tough questions to answer. I know one thing I have found about my own personal hardships. I often find that after I have endured a very difficult situation, I am in a much better place looking back. The really tough situations in life are those where we struggle to find a comforting answer. Why did the young man or boy die so young? Why did she get in so much trouble? Why is that person suffering so much that we would give anything to help her heal? There are many questions where the answers are slow in coming or even seem to never come.
   I have come to believe that there will always be questions that we can’t find comforting answers. I have seen my Mother suffer a great deal for the past year. I can’t understand it. I am not sure I will ever understand it. I believe her comfort will ultimately come when she passes into the next life.  In spite of my lack of understanding, I do find comfort knowing that God created her and loves her even more than I do as her son. At times, I even feel responsibility for her suffering because I know I could have been more attentive. My guilt is not coming from God, but from the other side and I need to fight it. Knowing that we have an all knowing, all loving, all powerful God, it is often tough to understand why He doesn’t give her and me comfort, but my faith in Him has not weakened. I refuse to allow setbacks keep me from God and walking with Him in my life. I would do almost anything to be with my own Father again so how can I give any less to be with my Heavenly Father?  God made us to be with Him. One challenge is He gave us choices and it can be hard for us to choose Him. Some of us are afraid to even pursue Him. That fear does not come from God either.  He is a loving Father who goes to great lengths to be with us.
   I have a vision for myself and my life. It is the result of all of my years of experience as a child, as a son, as a brother, as a student, as a businessperson, as a father, as a husband, as a friend, as a competitor, an athlete, an employee, a leader, a provider or as our youngest daughter, Mary Sims taught me to say, as a person. Sims proclaimed at a very young age, “I am a person.” I am a person too. My vision includes my desire to be successful in at least every one of those roles that I listed.  There is another role I have in life that intertwines with all of those roles and may ultimately be THE ROLE for my life. 
   I have a role that says, I am to love God with all of my heart, all of my mind and all of my soul.  Wow! That is an intimidating role at times. Actually, it is more than a role. It is the essence of who we are. What does love really mean? And, what does it mean to love with all of my heart, all of my mind, and all of my soul? Am I even capable of doing that? I feel grossly incapable of that. But let me share something I also know to be undeniably true. The Lord would not ask me to do something that I am incapable of doing. And, He gave me (and you) an incredible example of what that love looks like through His son, Jesus Christ. This amazing son lived His WHOLE life honoring His Father in everything that He did. I struggle to live even one day that way. 
  I even struggle to do it for my closest friend and beloved wife, Elizabeth. She has given me a family that means so much to me. She has believed in me in spite of my shortcomings. She has taught me a lot about love. When I met her she was paying for someone else’s mistakes simply because she was committed to doing the right thing no matter how hard it might be. I love and admire her. I need to love her even more. She needs to feel unconditionally loved by me. We all need that love in our lives. God has given us that love. When we fully receive His love, we can fully give His love. People will see God living in us through His son Jesus when we love fully and unselfishly. I admit I want to live fully and love fully.  I want to be loved fully. We need that love – the love of God.
  God asked His only son, Jesus to take our places on the cross and He willingly did. He loved His Father so much that He honored Him even if it meant the most terrible, painful, humiliating experience imaginable. He loved God and us so much that He made the choice to give His life. He took our places. I would take any one of our children’s places. I am called to do that for everyone.  Jesus did. Each person you encounter each day is someone the Lord gave His life that he or she would be forgiven.
   The Lord asks us to love one another as we love ourselves.  We can do that too.  But, we can’t do it alone.  We need Him to live with us, to guide us and to become our vision in life.  Do we want to seek the vision we have for ourselves?  Or, do we seek the vision He has for us?  We may want our own vision, but we need His vision.  If you have not already done this, I suggest that you ask God to be part of your life.  Ask Him to help you see the vision He has for you and guide you to have the courage to follow that vision.  If we do that, He will answer us. We will know an unselfish love that means giving more and we will enjoy giving so much more. We can love God with all that we have and we can love one another so much more.  It may not be easy, but it is good and right.  The most meaningful things in life rarely are easy.  But, I believe choosing His vision will give us all a life that means so much more.  I want that life. More importantly, I need that life.  I pray for that vision and life today for you and me.  May the Lord give you His vision for you and may you follow Him.  Amen