Unconditional Love - A Mother's Story

   On November 24, 1925, a baby was born in Winter Haven, Florida. Her name would be Mary Elizabeth Morris. She had 3 wonderful older brothers, who affectionately would come to call her “Brat Mary.” They loved and adored her and helped shape the tough, yet adorable little lady she would become. By the time I came into the world in 1958, her name had become Mary Morris Hershey. I have always known her as Mom or Mama, or maybe even Mouse as our Dad, loved to call her.

   For every day of my life, I would say without hesitation or doubt, Mom dedicated her life to my Dad, my older brother and two older sisters. She would get up earlier than any of us had to rise to prepare us breakfast. The house was always totally clean and neatly organized. She would prepare 3 meals per day, most days. The food was not only good, it was excellent. (We recently discovered to our suprise that she did not even like to cook yet she never said a word about it.) When she needed to work, she did and someone would stay with us. My Dad’s first chosen profession was a football coach and Mom was the quiet, supportive wife and mother who allowed him to lead young men and women for 33 years. We moved so many times, it would take many words to list them all. I never once heard her complain and it always seemed seamless. 

  When Dad left coaching to pursue a career in sales and marketing, Mom was his biggest believer. We would ultimately leave the south for a number of years and move to the Northeast. Mom not only got behind the move, she ultimately loved New Jersey and the life we created there. As the youngest and only one of our 4 siblings to move to New Jersey, it was a hard move for me, but I ultimately loved it too. And, for a while I was probably pretty spoiled as the only child at home. I actually have a hard time believing that I have not been always spoiled. Life may be a real struggle financially these days, but my parents, older siblings, family, friends, business associates and the Lord have all blessed me with so much. Yes, I admit I want more, but I am so fortunate.

   Our Father, Sandy passed away from this world on February 18, 1998, exactly one week after he turned 76 years old. He was a very young 76 in so many ways, but between diabetes, heart disease, time ran out on his life clock. The loss was enormous for all of us, but it was so much harder for Mom.  She lived her life serving him. I believe her love for him was truly unconditional. No matter what hardships came, she was his biggest fan, supporter and loved one. No matter where life took them, they were always there for one another, for our 4 children, and numerous grandchildren. They developed great loving friends who truly feel like our family. It was anything, but easy, but their lives together painted a beautiful picture of love and devotion in spite of imperfections and setbacks.

  Several years back my Mother started to really slow down. One of the last things my Dad ever said to me was, “Son, look after your Mom.” I can’t say I have been so good at it. We moved her close to us here in Atlanta. I would speak to her regularly, see her most weekends, and love and cherish what time we did spend together. As a coach's wife, she loved football, and we enjoyed watching Georgia games together. When I commuted to Charleston for work for a year and a half, we missed each other so much. We explored moving here there, but we decided to keep Atlanta as home and I came “home.” 

    Looking back, I believe her time with family is what she has cherished the most. My older sister, Susan has always stayed closer in touch with Mom than the rest of us, speaking to her several times per day, and coming to Atlanta whenever she could. I do not feel badly about that, I am so thankful for Susan and her loving heart. Susan is truly a servant. She sets a good example for others. I am thankful for all of our family.  I learned that well from our Mom and Dad.

   It has not been a burden to have Mom. It has been anything but that. She simply adores me. When I walk into the room, she lights up. When I leave the room, she very quickly wonders where I am. When I tease her, which I frequently do, she gets pretty tickled and has said so many times, “What am I going to do with you”?  I know there are things about me that remind her of Dad, but most of all I know she loves me for whom I am and no matter what I do. She has been that way with all 4 of her children and her departed husband for as long as I have known her.

  It is so amazing to have someone who loves you unconditionally in your life. It is so comforting. It makes all of the setbacks and tragedies of life seem well worth enduring. I don’t know what it is that makes someone love you unconditionally. I understand that not everyone has that with or for other people in their lives. There are parents who abandon their children. There are people who disown others in their families. Just because you are family, does not mean you will love or be loved unconditionally. You see, I know I am so blessed.  Even though I do not deserve it, I have always had someone who has always loved me in my life no matter what, my precious Mom. My Dad did too. There are others, but the list is rather short. That kind of never ending love is hard to come by or even explain. I do believe to love unconditionally IS a choice that we can make.

  Just before New Year's Eve, Mom suffered through a traumatic experience when she was alone. We’re not sure whether she fell or passed out, but when we found her, she was struggling to survive. Very late that Sunday night, as I sat with her in the hospital, I wondered if she would survive. Her breathing became very weak. The ER doctor gave me news that was not very encouraging. I admit it, as the tears rolled down my face and dropped on my dear Mother’s cheeks, I realized she might not make it through the night. I might lose someone who loved me so much, it did not matter how imperfect I am. More important than my own loss, was how much it hurt to see someone I love, struggling and suffering. You feel so helpless in those moments. Prayer was my only comfort. 

   Mom has recovered….some. She has regained some strength. She went home on New Year’s Day, but we can no longer let her be alone. An outsider might think she is now a “burden”, but I promise you being with her, loving her and attempting to comfort her is an honor. Her mind may never fully recover, but that will be okay: we will love her just as she is and as she taught us to love. Jesus taught us that kind of love long ago. He gave so much for us. Mom has too.

  My sister Susan and her wonderful husband, Ben, have been here to love and help Mom. We have all reached out to each other to check on Mom, Grandma or on Mary. In our family, we have seen a change in our daily lives and patterns. While our lives may return to what we used to call normal, they will never be quite the same. You see, yesterday for the first time my Mom called me by a different name that is not mine. She lit up when I entered the room.  She was so sad when I left to go home. She even promised me to be even better the next day. I told her I love her just as she is…you see, she isn’t the only one who loves unconditionally. I love her unconditionally too. My sisters Susan and Anne, brother Rickey, and a number of others in our family love her unconditionally too. We are so blessed to have her for what days she will have left. I miss being with her when she is fully aware, but I will love her no matter what.

   Here is my message I hope to share today, “Love Unconditionally.”  I understand it will hurt at times. I admit it breaks my heart to see my Mother struggling. Every February when I remember Dad even more on the day he passed, I have to wipe my eyes. The greatest blessing of my life is to love others no matter what happens. I hope that will grow in me and in you. At times, we feel rejected by others in our lives who don’t seem to return our love. Let's find the strength to love them anyway. You can do it, so can I. With God’s help we can do anything. And, together we are so much stronger. One of the greatest blessings I have known in my life is the realization that no matter how much love I give, I have even more I can give. While I still hope to be loved unconditionally, my hope and prayer today is to love unconditionally.

Where does the love of God go?

   I hope I’m not alone in sometimes wondering the answer to that question.  But even if I’m not, I admit it comes up deep inside of my heart and mind and haunts me from time to time in my life. I even admit I get downright angry about it with God. I want Him to step in and help someone I love. I want Him to protect our children from hateful and fatal gunfire.  I have loved ones fighting terminal illnesses that just do not deserve to be stricken and in such pain and agony. They live in fear for their lives every day.

   Where does God’s love go when these horrible things are happening?  Just recently I looked deeply into the eyes of someone I love as much as I love this wonderful and confusing life.  I saw hurt and confusion.  I saw pain and anguish. I admit that it hurt me really deeply. I admit that I realized that no matter how difficult this was for me it was harder for her. I wondered about God’s compassion in those moments. I prayed to Him to help her. And so far, not so much has happened to give her comfort. It is so easy to doubt God and His love in those moments. It is hard to have faith in Him during those moments.

   If you read my headline question and are expecting a good, clear answer I apologize for not having one. Forgive me for that in advance. I don’t have an answer that will satisfy everyone, but I do have one that satisfies me. I have made a choice: a very clear choice. At times, it is a very difficult choice for me. I have chosen God. I have chosen to believe in God. My choice isn’t based on just emotion. It is not based on just hope or desire. It is based on years of seeking God, reading His word, listening to others, looking for Him and praying to Him. The answers He has given me have more than satisfied my need. He is more than enough – even in those moments when I wonder, “Where is He”?

   You see, I have seen God’s presence in my life. I have read about His presence in the world. I have read the first hand accounts of so many men and women who gave their lives to share the story of our Lord Jesus. There are still so many things I don’t understand about God or Jesus. What I do understand and accept wholeheartedly is Jesus is the Son of God. There were times when I seriously doubted God. It hurts me to admit that, but it is truth and God knows the truth in my heart and mind.  He created me.  Over time as I started to hear God’s voice in my life and through others, those doubts started to diminish.

   One of my favorite Pastors is Andy Stanley. I love Andy.  He would not know me if I walked into his office. I have shaken his hand in a crowd on several occasions and that is the extent of our close relationship. How do I love a man whom I have never spent time with? That seems like a strange question, right? I love this man. His ability to share the Gospel and all of the Bible has earned him a place deep in my heart. He helped me answer questions I have had for most of my life. He showed me God’s love in a way that I longed for since I was a child and wanted to know this God of the Bible I heard about. If you get a chance, go see Andy at North Point Church or Buckhead Church or any of the branches.  Watch him on the internet. He takes God’s word and helps you understand God in a way that helps God become alive in your life.

   When I blog, I often find myself saying things about God or Jesus or King David or Paul that were influenced by Andy.  Thank you, Andy.  I bring Andy into this conversation because I want to give him credit and because I am making what I consider to be a profound point. I have come to love a man that I never actually “met” or had dinner with or hung out with. I believe we can come to love Jesus in an even deeper way because as good a man as Andy Stanley is, Andy would not compare himself favorably to the goodness of Jesus.  And, while Andy has devoted most if not all of his life to sharing Jesus with others, Jesus gave His life for us on the cross.

   Here is a revelation I owe to Andy Stanley that changed my whole attitude towards the Bible, towards God and towards Jesus. It even has changed my perspective towards other people in my life in a significant way. That change is based on this principle: If we will focus on the things we know to be undeniably true, then God will reveal to us those things that we cannot understand in His time. Think about this: Focus on what we KNOW to be true as opposed to focusing on what we cannot understand.  When we do that when it comes to the Bible, we learn to see God in a very different light. That is also true when it comes to the people in our lives.  When I focus on what I know to be true about my wife, the things I struggle to understand just don’t seem to be so important. I know she is an incredible wife and friend. She is an amazing Mother. She has taught me as much about how to love others as anyone in my life. So what if there are certain imperfections about her?  And by the way, I am not suggesting there are imperfections in God or Jesus. There are however, things we struggle to understand about them. There are even contradictions in the Bible that the doubters love to focus on.

  As for me and my household we will choose the Lord. You see the Lord has and always does keep His promises. He does not promise our lives will be led without troubles. He does not promise we will have a long and healthy life. He does not promise we will have wealth as we measure it in the U.S. He does not promise that life will always be fair. There are so many examples of unfairness in the Bible and in our lives. We want God to make it fair, but He doesn’t promise us that. And if He did, somewhere I truly missed that. But, I am open to learning more and the more I know about God, the more I love Him. I wish I could always say that about myself: The more I knew about myself the more I love me. Or, the more others knew about me, the more they will love me. I am so very thankful my loved ones choose to love me in spite of the things they see in me.

  Back to my original question:  Where does the love of God go? He always loves us. He never turns His back on us. He loved us so much He sent an innocent man, His ONLY son into the world that He would be betrayed, spat on, brutally beaten and murdered that we would all be forgiven for our sins. He gave us the greatest gift of all and yet we often struggle to even see it or accept it. To me it is undeniable: Eternal life with our heavenly Father is the greatest gift of all. With my human mind, I can’t even imagine it, but I do long for the day where there will be no more sin, no more suffering. God promises that day to us if we will accept Jesus and allow Him to live and reign in us and in our lives. And this is undeniable, God always keeps His promises. We will still suffer on this earth. But any injustice here is offset by the amazing promise of eternal life. Amen.