Unconditional Love - A Mother's Story

   On November 24, 1925, a baby was born in Winter Haven, Florida. Her name would be Mary Elizabeth Morris. She had 3 wonderful older brothers, who affectionately would come to call her “Brat Mary.” They loved and adored her and helped shape the tough, yet adorable little lady she would become. By the time I came into the world in 1958, her name had become Mary Morris Hershey. I have always known her as Mom or Mama, or maybe even Mouse as our Dad, loved to call her.

   For every day of my life, I would say without hesitation or doubt, Mom dedicated her life to my Dad, my older brother and two older sisters. She would get up earlier than any of us had to rise to prepare us breakfast. The house was always totally clean and neatly organized. She would prepare 3 meals per day, most days. The food was not only good, it was excellent. (We recently discovered to our suprise that she did not even like to cook yet she never said a word about it.) When she needed to work, she did and someone would stay with us. My Dad’s first chosen profession was a football coach and Mom was the quiet, supportive wife and mother who allowed him to lead young men and women for 33 years. We moved so many times, it would take many words to list them all. I never once heard her complain and it always seemed seamless. 

  When Dad left coaching to pursue a career in sales and marketing, Mom was his biggest believer. We would ultimately leave the south for a number of years and move to the Northeast. Mom not only got behind the move, she ultimately loved New Jersey and the life we created there. As the youngest and only one of our 4 siblings to move to New Jersey, it was a hard move for me, but I ultimately loved it too. And, for a while I was probably pretty spoiled as the only child at home. I actually have a hard time believing that I have not been always spoiled. Life may be a real struggle financially these days, but my parents, older siblings, family, friends, business associates and the Lord have all blessed me with so much. Yes, I admit I want more, but I am so fortunate.

   Our Father, Sandy passed away from this world on February 18, 1998, exactly one week after he turned 76 years old. He was a very young 76 in so many ways, but between diabetes, heart disease, time ran out on his life clock. The loss was enormous for all of us, but it was so much harder for Mom.  She lived her life serving him. I believe her love for him was truly unconditional. No matter what hardships came, she was his biggest fan, supporter and loved one. No matter where life took them, they were always there for one another, for our 4 children, and numerous grandchildren. They developed great loving friends who truly feel like our family. It was anything, but easy, but their lives together painted a beautiful picture of love and devotion in spite of imperfections and setbacks.

  Several years back my Mother started to really slow down. One of the last things my Dad ever said to me was, “Son, look after your Mom.” I can’t say I have been so good at it. We moved her close to us here in Atlanta. I would speak to her regularly, see her most weekends, and love and cherish what time we did spend together. As a coach's wife, she loved football, and we enjoyed watching Georgia games together. When I commuted to Charleston for work for a year and a half, we missed each other so much. We explored moving here there, but we decided to keep Atlanta as home and I came “home.” 

    Looking back, I believe her time with family is what she has cherished the most. My older sister, Susan has always stayed closer in touch with Mom than the rest of us, speaking to her several times per day, and coming to Atlanta whenever she could. I do not feel badly about that, I am so thankful for Susan and her loving heart. Susan is truly a servant. She sets a good example for others. I am thankful for all of our family.  I learned that well from our Mom and Dad.

   It has not been a burden to have Mom. It has been anything but that. She simply adores me. When I walk into the room, she lights up. When I leave the room, she very quickly wonders where I am. When I tease her, which I frequently do, she gets pretty tickled and has said so many times, “What am I going to do with you”?  I know there are things about me that remind her of Dad, but most of all I know she loves me for whom I am and no matter what I do. She has been that way with all 4 of her children and her departed husband for as long as I have known her.

  It is so amazing to have someone who loves you unconditionally in your life. It is so comforting. It makes all of the setbacks and tragedies of life seem well worth enduring. I don’t know what it is that makes someone love you unconditionally. I understand that not everyone has that with or for other people in their lives. There are parents who abandon their children. There are people who disown others in their families. Just because you are family, does not mean you will love or be loved unconditionally. You see, I know I am so blessed.  Even though I do not deserve it, I have always had someone who has always loved me in my life no matter what, my precious Mom. My Dad did too. There are others, but the list is rather short. That kind of never ending love is hard to come by or even explain. I do believe to love unconditionally IS a choice that we can make.

  Just before New Year's Eve, Mom suffered through a traumatic experience when she was alone. We’re not sure whether she fell or passed out, but when we found her, she was struggling to survive. Very late that Sunday night, as I sat with her in the hospital, I wondered if she would survive. Her breathing became very weak. The ER doctor gave me news that was not very encouraging. I admit it, as the tears rolled down my face and dropped on my dear Mother’s cheeks, I realized she might not make it through the night. I might lose someone who loved me so much, it did not matter how imperfect I am. More important than my own loss, was how much it hurt to see someone I love, struggling and suffering. You feel so helpless in those moments. Prayer was my only comfort. 

   Mom has recovered….some. She has regained some strength. She went home on New Year’s Day, but we can no longer let her be alone. An outsider might think she is now a “burden”, but I promise you being with her, loving her and attempting to comfort her is an honor. Her mind may never fully recover, but that will be okay: we will love her just as she is and as she taught us to love. Jesus taught us that kind of love long ago. He gave so much for us. Mom has too.

  My sister Susan and her wonderful husband, Ben, have been here to love and help Mom. We have all reached out to each other to check on Mom, Grandma or on Mary. In our family, we have seen a change in our daily lives and patterns. While our lives may return to what we used to call normal, they will never be quite the same. You see, yesterday for the first time my Mom called me by a different name that is not mine. She lit up when I entered the room.  She was so sad when I left to go home. She even promised me to be even better the next day. I told her I love her just as she is…you see, she isn’t the only one who loves unconditionally. I love her unconditionally too. My sisters Susan and Anne, brother Rickey, and a number of others in our family love her unconditionally too. We are so blessed to have her for what days she will have left. I miss being with her when she is fully aware, but I will love her no matter what.

   Here is my message I hope to share today, “Love Unconditionally.”  I understand it will hurt at times. I admit it breaks my heart to see my Mother struggling. Every February when I remember Dad even more on the day he passed, I have to wipe my eyes. The greatest blessing of my life is to love others no matter what happens. I hope that will grow in me and in you. At times, we feel rejected by others in our lives who don’t seem to return our love. Let's find the strength to love them anyway. You can do it, so can I. With God’s help we can do anything. And, together we are so much stronger. One of the greatest blessings I have known in my life is the realization that no matter how much love I give, I have even more I can give. While I still hope to be loved unconditionally, my hope and prayer today is to love unconditionally.