There Will Be a Day

    Over the years I have come to love and thoroughly enjoy "rock" praise music.  Music of worship that tends to get me fired up and even reminds me of my youth.  A time when life seemed so much more simple and I still possessed a youthful innocence.  I couldn't wait to become a grown up and do all of the things I was driven to do and dreamed about.  And, you know I have been so incredibly blessed to do a great many of those things I dreamed about.

    I have become a Father to 3 children that are far more wonderful than any vision I ever had for my children.  I don't believe I "deserved" these children.  They are so loving and kind to one another and to others.  I am not being a blind Father.  I see they are not perfect.  But, I have to say that they are perfect for me.  I will share more about them in the days to come.

    When I met my wife and partner for the past 20 years, I was a broken man.  I can say that now.  My pride wouldn't allow me to admit then.  And I was so driven to do something with my life, I was afraid to admit I had been a disappointment. 

   I wasn't a disappointment to my family.  They were so loving and accepting of me.  I wasn't a disappointment in business.  I was a young, workaholic who loved my consulting clients and I was making a difference in their businesses.  I had a wonderful mentor.  As I have grown to seek God even more in my life I don't believe I was a disappointment to the God who created me.  If I had so many things going for me, how could I call myself a disappointment?  Who could I be a disappointment to?  The answer is simple, I had been a disappointment to myself.

    If you knew me then you would not likely have known this.  I was a very hard-charging, positive young man.  I loved each day with a great deal of passion and enthusiasm.  I loved others.  I worked hard.  I played hard.  I was totally into whatever I was doing.  I was into self-improvement.  It was practically an obsession.  I was so determined to do so much with the gifts I had been trusted with by my family and my God.  If all of these things were true, how could it be true that I was a disappointment to myself?

    I don't think that my wife, Elizabeth that I met on a blind date knew I had this pain inside of me.  How could I hide this "secret' from the people who I knew best and whom I loved the most?  And, I am overly open person in so many ways.  I believe the answer to this question is very telling about me and about many of the people I have known in my life.  We all have things going on inside of us that we keep to ourselves.  We are not attempting to be deceptive.  We do not want to feel this hurt inside, but we have difficulty finding ways to face it.  What changed for me?  I will attempt to share my thoughts on this through the course of blogging.

  First of all, I was incredibly lonely.  I need to admit that I don't like sharing that.  I was going through a very tough transition and I turned to someone that has always been there for me in life.  He has always been there.  The problem is even though He was always there for me, I had not been so good about turning to Him.  I had become separated from my former wife and I was really ashamed of failing to keep our marriage together.  We couldn't even agree on going to a particular church so we didn't go at all.  Why?  In my opinion, my stubborn pride.  I started going to church by myself on Sundays at a small Presbyterian Church in Greenville, SC.  It was tough.  It seemed as though the Minister was talking directly to me.  When he spoke of people and their problems, he seemed to be talking directly about me.  I admit, it was hard hearing that.  But as I heard it more and more often, I saw something starting to change in me.

    I was becoming less and less judgmental about my own problems.  I was somehow starting to hear a message on Sunday about love and grace instead of judgment and condemnation.  I started seeing Jesus in a new light.  It was the way I had seen Jesus in my teen years when I quietly read the New Testament each night before going to sleep.  I started seeing Him with more of an innocence - and I was far from innocent.

    For me this is one of the great beauties of the Gospel and Jesus.  As we seek Him to come into our lives we find Him working inside of us to make us more like Him.  I am not suggesting that I believe I am like Jesus.  Yes, I would love to be more like Him.  Yes, I would love to be free of my brokenness and failings.  I do believe with all of my heart, all of my mind and all of my soul, that if you seek Him, He WILL begin to do His work in your life.  And, when that happens a new kind of peace comes over you.

  Now, I have a tough reality about my own journey to share.  Even though I feel the presence of Jesus in my life more and more often, I still see my own shortcomings.  I am sure others around me see I am so far from perfect.  I still see myself look away from Him at times.  It breaks my heart, but I know that is true.  I share this not to make excuses for my own brokenness or my own sinfulness.  I do not seek your sympathy.  I share this because I so believe that with Him there is hope for me, for you, for all of us.  I find myself feeling at times like Paul shared - Why is it at times that I say and do the very things I hate?  That is hard to feel good about.  But, I do feel good about turning to Jesus.  Incredibly good.  And, I do feel with Him that my life can be and is so much better.  It isn't "easier", but it is more meaningful.

  I thoroughly enjoy Jeremy Camp's song, "There Will be a Day."  It is one of those rock praise songs that really inspires me.  It starts like this: 

 

"I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always."

 

    As we approach Christmas day and the celebration of the birth of Jesus, I pray that Jesus will be someone alive, real and meaningful in your lives and mine.  I would like to ask you for a special Christmas present.  If you will, please pray for me and my family and loved ones that we will all see Jesus in our lives.  My present to you is to pray for Jesus in your lives.  If you would like for me to pray for something else, please let me know.  Merry Christmas!